What is passive-aggressive behaviour?

Passive-aggressive individuals are those who indirectly express negative feelings and emotions, instead of directly addressing them. What makes the relationship with this type of people difficult is the disconnect between what they say and what they do.

Passive-aggression is not considered as a mental disorder itself. However, this type of behaviour may affect a person’s ability to build healthy and balanced relationships, and can cause difficulties at work.

This type of behaviour and communication may be destabilising and paradoxical and may create internal conflicts for the person who receives them.

Passive-aggression comprises a range of behaviours such as negative gossip, blaming, sabotage, irony and sarcasm, and paradoxical messages.

I recently worked with a private client who told me that she was involved in a shared project in the office. Apparently her colleagues were not happy with her work. Instead of talking to her to give a constructive feedback, they decided to communicate through anonymous messages. My client started to find post-its on her desk, saying: ‘Deadlines are created to be respected’ or ‘Everybody should look after their documents in the printer room’. These are messages that indirectly communicate something that can be openly and directly discussed.

This kind of messages are toxic as they may be taken as an attempt to harass, annoy and aggress someone.

Do passive-aggressive individuals act on purpose?

Some individuals are not fully aware of their actions, whereas other passive-aggressive persons perfectly know what they do.

For example, some passive-aggressive individuals may be immature and unable to deal with challenging or uncomfortable situations. For this reason, they tend to escape or to avoid directly discussing and addressing difficult conversations. Avoidance acts as a defense mechanism that keeps the challenging discussion away.

Other individuals are aware of their passive-aggressive interactions. They may look for better ways of communication but may not find out how to do it. Often, these people keep silence and wait for the other person to act. For example, when they are in a relationship, they tend to wait for their partner to decrypt what they want and to initiate the conversation.

The worst case scenario is when people are fully aware of the power and impacts of their passive-aggressive behaviours and use them to achieve their goals. The communication with them becomes toxic and may be destructive.

What are the causes of passive-aggression?

Research has demonstrated that there is no exact cause triggering passive-aggression. Biological, social and environmental factors may play a role in the development of this type of behaviours.

Parenting styles and family dynamics from the childhood may be contributing factors. Young children are unable to make the difference between good and bad, normal and pathological. What happens is that children may take this type of communication as ‘normal’ and apply it to all situations. Other children may repeat and reproduce the behaviours they were exposed to.

Child abuse, neglect and punishment can also be potential causes. Low self-esteem is also a potential factor.

Please note that some underlying health conditions such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, alcohol abuse, stress, anxiety disorders, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and alcohol abuse may result in behaviours that appear similar to passive-aggressive behaviours.

If you like this article, you might be interested in reading “Are you a narcissist” that you can access here and “How to know you are dating a narcissistic pervert?” that you can access here.

If you are currently experiencing difficulties, you need to know that you are not alone. Do not hesitate to contact me on info@angelpsychology.com or on my social networks. I will be glad to chat with you.

Please note that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Psychodynamic Therapy will help you acquire the knowledge and reflection you need. Learn more about Psychodynamic Therapy here and about CBT here. Don't forget that you can work with me at home. Learn more about online psychotherapy here.

With warm wishes,
Dr Ivanka Ezhova

Founder of Angel Psychological Therapy - Online Psychological Therapy