How to deal with low self-esteem?

All of us have times when we lack confidence or simply don’t feel good about ourselves. This is normal. However, when low self-esteem becomes a long-term problem, it might have a negative impact on our mental health.

Definition of self-esteem

Self-esteem is the opinion that we have of ourselves. When our self-esteem is healthy, we tend to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. We feel able to cope with any difficulty we have. When our self-esteem is low, then we tend to be more critical and negative. We also feel less able to deal with any challenging circumstance life throw at us.

Causes of low self-esteem

Problems related to self-esteem begin in childhood. Close and extended family, friends, teachers and society in general send us statements and affirmations about ourselves, both negative and positive. Often, the statement ‘You are not good enough’ or ‘You lack something’ is the one that stays with us.

Anxiety, stress and challenging life events, such as chronic illness or a bereavement can also have a negative impact on our self-esteem.

Our personality might also play a part. Some people are just more negative whilst others set impossibly high standards for themselves.

How does low self-esteem impacts on your life?

If you have low confidence, you may avoid social contacts; stop trying new things and initiating changes and stay away from things you find difficult. You simply stay in your comfort zone because this is where you feel safe and comfortable.

You should know that if in the short term, not moving out of your comfort zone makes you fell safe, in the long-term, this can increase your insecurity, doubts and fears.

Living with low self-esteem can negatively affect your mental health and lead to more severe problems such as clinical depression and anxiety.

You may also develop unhelpful behaviours, such as smoking, drinking or gambling to cope with your insecurity.

How to improve your self-esteem?

First you need to identify the negative beliefs you have about yourself and start to ‘test’ them to see whether your opinion about yourself is right or wrong. You might think that you are unable to progress in your career and nobody will be interested in your professional experience. Challenge this belief. For instance, prepare your application and apply for a promotion or a new job. Then see what will happen. Maybe plenty of people will be interested in you.

Buy a notepad and start to write down all negative thoughts that go through your mind. Be honest with yourself. Think about when you first started to think these thoughts. Then write evidence that challenges them. ‘Am I a failure?’ , ‘Am I unable to get a promotion?’.

Write down all positive thoughts that refer to yourself, such as ‘I am a great daughter’, ‘I am a loyal person’, ‘I respect people and nature’. Try to think about you as a book that you are about to write. ‘I am a loyal person’ – and what else?

Remember: nobody can be defined with one single word. I am Ivanka – and what else?

Writing good things about yourself will help you focus on the positive qualities you have. It is a good beginning that you must keep going. Improving your self-esteem takes time.

If you have specific questions regarding low self-esteem, do not hesitate to email me on : info@angelpsychology.com or visit my website: www.angelpsychology.com

Please note that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Psychodynamic Therapy will help you acquire the knowledge and reflection you need. Learn more about Psychodynamic Therapy here and about CBT here. Don't forget that you can work with me at home. Learn more about online psychotherapy here.

With warm wishes,

Dr Ivanka Ezhova

Founder of Angel Psychological Therapy – Online Psychological Practice