How to be yourself?

We live in a world where we are constantly connected with each other. With a simple click on Facebook or any other social network, we have a feeling that we are part of our friends’ lives and we are also exposing our own life.
On the one hand, this process is positive because it facilitates people’s communication and social interactions but on the other hand it unconsciously push people to pay huge attention to their friends’ achievements instead of focus on their own experiences.

How is this process called and where does it come from?

In Psychology, this process is known as imitation and it’s one of the first behaviours babies develop since their birth. This is how they create their personality and become balanced and healthy individuals. They first imitate their moms and dads, and are emotionally and physically linked to them because they entirely depend on their parents’ care and love. Later come the grandparents and other relatives, the nanny, the teachers at school, friends, colleagues etc. Throughout our life, we constantly copy and get inspired by the people we want to be like and this is how we grow our potential and become the individuals we are. “I want to be a doctor like daddy” or “I want to be like this woman who built a website and coaches many people around the world” are phrases we can say at any age. And every time they will be powerful and meaningful because they will help us grow our potential.

Unfortunately, the process of imitation can be understood and experienced differently than described above and can hinder our personal development by making us underestimate ourselves or feel depressed, sad and insufficient. What happens is that instead of moving on by getting inspired by successful and great people, we actually want to live their lives and possess what they have.

Tell me honestly, have you ever had thoughts like this one? “My friend John is happier than me because he has a bigger house than mine and the sport car I dream of. I want to have all these goods but I can’t find a job that will allow me to buy them. I am a loser and I am not good enough. This makes me feel angry because John doesn’t deserve it”.
Thoughts like this make you have a negative and unreal definition about yourself and bring feelings of jealousy toward people around you. Do you often go on your friends’ profiles on Facebook to see what they do and what they have? If so, you need to look at yourself and start comparing your actual life and successes with how you were last year or the last three, four or five years. The only meaningful and positive competition is the one we have with ourselves where we attempt to be a better version of ourselves every single day. Remember: it’s always about you. It’s never about John.

To learn more about psychology, visit my website: www.angelpsychology.com
To book a session, please email me on: info@angelpsychology.com

Please note that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and Psychodynamic Therapy will help you acquire the knowledge and reflection you need. Learn more about Psychodynamic Therapy here and about CBT here. Don't forget that you can work with me at home. Learn more about online psychotherapy here.

With warm wishes,
Ivanka